REAL men don't need to wash their hands

   Deep in the tropics of the Congo, hundreds of miles from civilization, a single soldier treks through the jungle. No food, only a mouthful of water left in his canteen, he watches as an ostrich eats from a bush directly in front of him. The burly soldier slowly pulls out his awesome battle knife tosses it aside, whatever, real men don't need weapons. Jumps on the ostrich tackling it onto the ground and bashing in its head with a rock. Tears the head off the bird and he suddenly remembers... he didn't wash his hands. With only a mouthful of water left what the hell is he going to do?

   Same exact situation last week. I'm out in the woods all alone, full of creatures. Wasn't scared. What do you think I did about that water? That's right, drank it with a side of oversized chicken, like a boss. Because what? REAL men don't need to wash their hands. Our muscles are so deep that when sickness tries to get in our guts and insides, our muscles stop them. It's like the guy from the bible? He never washed and was like uber strong cause God was like don't wash and be manly... and I will make you more manly. So he did, was like the biggest hulkster ever. Swanson, the Hulkster.

  Christopher Columbraj back in the day was a fool. The earth is round? ... ROUND?? What can I say? People we're simps way back when. Foolishness comes from society's lack of being smart. Because Columbus didn't have his crap together so he can prove his superior thoughts about world shapes... he looked like an chode! AND WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, right?? Well not Columbus... cause he's dead... like really freakin dead. BUT pretty sure we're allowed to laugh for him, I mean I wouldn't care if I was in current situation. Pile of dusty bones.

   No one understood the master of the seas. But did that make him any less masterful? So what about us... the Masters of Manliness... we may not be understood for how manly we and our muscles are... BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE US ANY LESS MANLIER. BECAUSE WE'RE MEN... who don't need to wash our hands. You know, because of our huge muscles. Which stop germs. Because of how deep they are.

  So next time you watch your manager walk out of the bathroom and shake your hand with those dirty, germ infested bathroom hands, you be thankful that us men are strong enough to do that. We aren't afraid of a little sickness, we're not even afraid of a lot of sickness.

   Man Muscles... A necessary accessory... A necessory... in fighting germs.